What Hurts the Most
by Li the Twilight Knight
Summary: Latest songfic in what seems to be becoming a series. Hehe. Anyway, this one is Tifa in Nibelheim shortly after Cloud left to join SOLDIER. Song is by Rascal Flatts. Read and Review, please!


Author's Note 

Li: Here I am, with yet another songfic. I considered doing one for each character, but decided scenarios were easier. So this is Tifa in Nibelheim just after Cloud left for SOLDIER. I don't really support Cloti pairings, but it begged to be written. Now, here's Zack with the disclaimer, because he rocks! 

Zack: Wait, I'm a muse? Cool! Okay, Li does not own FFVII or the song "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts. Enjoy! 

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ 

Tifa stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom, sighing. Rain pounded on the roof, a dull monotone that faded into nothing after listening to it for a while. It had been two weeks since he left, and she would never admit missing him. And yet...

_**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house**_

_**That don't bother me**_

She sighed again, moving from her position on the bed to look in the mirror. She glanced at the picture taped there, the two of them when they were really young. Before things got weird between them. She felt tears well up, looking at his spiky blonde hair that had always reminded her of chocobos.

_**I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out**_

_**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**_

Her mother had asked her multiple times if she was okay, but Tifa had always told her "Yes, I'm fine." She did miss him, but she wouldn't let anyone else see. Cloud had not been the most popular boy in Nibelheim. Hell, he'd been downright hated after what happened on Mt. Nibel.

_**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me**_

_**There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok**_

Tifa flopped back onto her bed, remembering that day. She hated to admit it, but everything after that day was her fault. It was all her fault. She had caused Cloud to leave. She hadn't admitted to so many things. All of her emotions, held inside because of fear, had made his world miserable. That was why he left.

_**But that's not what gets me**_

_"Tifa!" Cloud yelled, seeing her topple from the cliff. They had been exploring Mt. Nibel, and the path had slid, dumping Tifa on a small ledge below where Cloud still stood. Cloud knelt, extending his hand to her. "Grab my hand!"_

_Tifa reached for it, her fingers just brushing his, but not quite reaching. And Cloud couldn't lean any farther, or risk falling._

_Cloud looked so genuinely worried about her. Tifa made up her mind there and then. She would tell him how she felt, now. She'd always had feelings for him, but had hidden them well. Tifa looked up. Cloud's brilliant blue eyes gazed back down at her, then he stood up._

_"Hold on, I'll go get help."_

_"Cloud, wait, I..." But he was gone. Tifa sat on the ledge miserably, hugging her knees. She had no doubt that they could help her, but she lamented her missed chance._

_**What hurts the most**_

_**Was being so close**_  
_**And having so much to say**_  
_**And watching you walk away**_  
_**And never knowing**_  
_**What could have been**_  
_**And not seeing that loving you**_  
_**Is what I was tryin' to do**_

Tifa let the tears come. That was the day things had changed. They had blamed Cloud, saying he tried to hurt her on purpose. Her own father and cousin stood by that idea firmly. She wanted to tell them, that Cloud had tried to help her, that the path had slid. But she was afraid. Afraid that they wouldn't believe her. It was her fear that had made him the most shunned person in Nibelheim. No one treated him like one of them. He became the outcast, the loner.

_**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go**_

_**But I'm doin' It**_

Tifa got up and wandered out into the village. She saw people wave as they went by, people she used to hang out with. _Our friends. No, not our friends. My friends. They hated you. _She mentally corrected herself bitterly. She smiled faintly as her cousin went by, just so he'd assume nothing was wrong.

_**It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone**_

_**Still Harder**_

It was getting harder to wake up and face the world every day, knowing that Cloud wouldn't be there. You would think it would get better, easier to bear, the longer he was away, but Tifa was drowning in the guilt that she had caused him to leave.

_**Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret**_

_**But I know if I could do it over**_

She reached the fountain at the edge of town and sat on the side. This was it. This was where she had made Cloud make her a promise, and where she had royally screwed up once again. She had been given the perfect opportunity to tell Cloud everything, and she hadn't. This time, it had been fear of rejection. She had been afraid Cloud would think she was lying, or offering him pity. That was the last thing she had wanted. But now, she wished she had told him.

_**I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart**_

_**That I left unspoken**_

_"Well, Tifa..." Cloud said softly, kicking his feet on the edge of the fountain. "Tomorrow I leave for the Shinra Academy, and I'm not coming back until I'm a SOLDIER! I'll make this town proud of me, they'll see."_

_"Are you sure you want to leave?" Tifa asked._

_"Yes. I want to be in SOLDIER more than anything. I'll prove myself..." He dipped a bare hand in the fountain, watching the water trickle through his fingers. His chocobo-colored hair seemed dimmer in the moonlight, yet still was as gravity-defying as ever._

_"Well then," Tifa said, feigning casualness, though she was being ripped apart inside. She didn't want him to leave. "Make me a promise, then. When you become a famous SOLDIER, if I'm ever in trouble, promise you'll come save me."_

_"Tifa..." Cloud began, looking at her with his unnervingly blue eyes._

_"Please, Cloud..." Tifa said, almost begging. "For me?"_

_"All right." he conceded. "I promise." In that moment, Tifa wanted to tell him her feelings more than anything. But she was afraid of ruining the moment, if he rejected her. He might think she was only trying to pity him. No, she wouldn't ruin their last night._

_**What hurts the most**_

_**Is being so close**_  
_**And having so much to say**_  
_**And watching you walk away**_  
_**And never knowing**_  
_**What could have been**_  
_**And not seeing that loving you**_  
_**Is what I was trying to do**_

Tifa saw fire. Fire burning and consuming the town, and an ethereal figure stalking through the flames. She saw Cloud, in a SOLDIER uniform, and another man with hair as black as raven feathers, running towards the reactor. Then she saw them staggering along a dusty road. She saw the raven-haired man shot, and her vision dissolved into flames. Then she saw an older Cloud, his eyes glowing and haunted, standing with a girl in pink. He looked over his shoulder at Tifa, then started to walk away with the girl.

Tifa called out to him, but he was already out of sight. She sobbed for him to come back, but he was gone. Again.

_**What hurts the most**_

_**Is being so close**_  
_**And having so much to say**_  
_**And watching you walk away**_  
_**And never knowing**_  
_**What could have been**_  
_**And not seeing that loving you**_  
_**Is what I was trying to do**_

Tifa woke up. She had dozed off against the fountain. It had only been a dream. The fire, Cloud, the other man and the girl in pink... None of it was real. But she couldn't help feeling that somehow it meant something. That's what she was afraid of: never seeing Cloud again. And yet...

_**Not seeing that loving you**_

_**That's what I was trying to do**_

Somehow she knew, the next time she saw Cloud, it would not be a happy reunion.

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ 

Li: Roy? What's wrong? 

Roy: (is sulking jealously) 

Li: Are you jealous of Zack? Oh, Roy... He's only a guest. You are my one and only permanent muse. 

Roy: Really? 

Zack: Sure. I'm not trying to take your job. 

Roy: Oh, okay. (is happy again) Good. Now, review, people! 


End file.
